What Are You Afraid Of? The Leadership Question We Avoid — and the Cost of Avoiding It

by Rashieda Lahsaan, The Peopleist Collective

“What are you afraid of?”

It’s a question we rarely ask in leadership—and when we do, we often ask it of others, not ourselves. In executive conversations, fear is usually disguised as something more acceptable: uncertainty, lack of information, capability gaps, or readiness. We talk about what we don’t know, what we need to learn, or where we feel deficient.

But in 20 years of working alongside leaders, one truth shows up consistently:What limits leadership most is not what leaders don’t know, it’s what they already know and choose not to face.

Most leaders are far more self-aware than they give themselves credit for. They know their patterns. They know where communication breaks down. They know how conflict makes them uncomfortable, how inconsistency creeps in under pressure, how avoidance masquerades as patience, or how control is framed as “high standards.”

And yet, instead of confronting those truths, many leaders attempt to separate who they are from how they lead.

That separation is a myth.

Who you are is how you lead—every day, in every room, whether you intend it or not. Your fears don’t stay contained inside your head. They show up in meetings that lack clarity. In teams that hesitate to speak honestly. In decisions that are delayed, overanalyzed, or quietly avoided. They surface in cultures where accountability feels uneven, where trust erodes slowly, and where high performers either burn out or leave.

What makes this especially dangerous is that these dynamics are often unspoken. No one names them directly. Instead, organizations blame “engagement,” “culture,” or “resistance to change,” without ever addressing the human root underneath.

Leadership is not just a set of skills—it is a reflection of internal alignment. When leaders are unwilling to examine what they already know about themselves, organizations pay the price.

The most effective leaders are not fearless. They are honest. They are willing to look at their own patterns with courage, to understand how their personal defaults shape professional outcomes, and to take responsibility for the impact—not just the intent—of their leadership.

This is where real growth begins. Not with another framework or competency model, but with the willingness to ask harder questions and sit with the answers long enough to act differently.

Below are five growth points to help you get started, because leadership doesn’t start with what you know…it starts with what you’re willing to face.

Five Ways Leaders Can Move Toward Growth

• Name the fear without judgment.Ask yourself: What am I avoiding right now, and what story am I telling myself about why? Growth begins when fear is identified plainly, not rationalized or disguised as logic.

• Track your patterns under pressure.Notice how you respond when stakes are high—do you control, withdraw, over-explain, or delay? Your default response in pressure is often the clearest signal of where growth is needed.

• Separate intent from impact.Get curious about how your leadership actually lands with others, not how you hope it does. Seek feedback on impact, especially in moments of tension or change.

• Practice one intentional shift at a time.Growth doesn’t require complete reinvention. Choose one behavior to adjust—how you listen, decide, or follow through—practice it consistently until it becomes a part of how you lead.

• Invite accountability beyond yourself.Leadership growth accelerates when it’s not done alone. Partner with a coach, trusted peer, or advisor who can help you stay honest, challenge blind spots, and reinforce progress.